WTF Files: So you just shaved your head for publicity, but there's a catch ...

(Don't you just want to shave the rest of it off for her? And, while you're at it, put her rockstar fingers down?)

... Someone else beat you to the punch. By a few years. And she's a weird-ass but pretty successful new supermodel, the new Kate Moss, so we hear (but have yet to see).

Ok so there has been a lot of internet buzz about Cassie and her new haircut. You know who Cassie is: she had that song ... yeah that one. Then she had, you know, that other song. She also is fairly famous (not much) for her looks ... bcuz she is ridiculously, exotically gorgeous. And oh yeah, let's not forget, she is also Diddy's long-suffering side woman, a move that maybe got her the deal she needed to make music/get famous/whatever the kiddies are doing these days to avoid working any real jobs or going to university. But this move definitely f**ked things up for her: the world does not look kindly upon horner chicks, just the way the cookie crumbles yo.

So, try as you might, you can't get past people describing you like The Dog just did above. After all, you're pretty. You're cool. People like you. Why can't you have a music career, be a model, an actress, and still tote around a HUGE Rolex (a solid, reliable source up in Montreal who has met and chilled with Cassie and Ryan Leslie, has exclusively told The Dog that she sports that Diddy-gift like nobody's business. You know how Diddy is with the antics, always so over-the-top.)

You're desperate. You don't know what to do. Nobody's really feeling you that much. Diddy's eye is already straying, and soon his body will follow. You will only be that hot for that long. Then you get a call from a friend. "Yo, there's this new 'it' girl supermodel. She's weird as fuck. Half the time she looks dirty, the other times she just looks downright homeless. She only has half her head shaved, but she just replaced Kate Moss as the new face of Agent Provocateur (Victoria's Secret for those with plenty pocket change), and everyone says she's ready to blow up the spot."

So you ... SHAVE HALF OF YOUR FUCKIN HEAD.

Half. Just half. Like for real, grow some balls and just get rid of the whole thing if you really wanna be serious about this. But no, just half. Bcuz you don't care about your hair, or your looks, which are what has gotten you thus far. You're talented, you're DEEP, you can do this. You can shave half your head, and people will FINALLY take you seriously.

And after all that work, you can shave your head, but you can't even entertain us with a Britney-style meltdown. Tsk tsk. Nobody is watching. Cassie needs more people.

T.A.P.'s FINAL WORD: Ladies, keep the chopping to a minimum. Pick a look that works for you even if you think it's not cool or edgy enough. DON'T do some stupid ish with your hair just cuz you want attention. And for God's sake, quit it with the overly trendy dyke haircuts. If no one is watching Cassie, chances are no one is watching you either.